Helping Siblings to Get Along

All siblings argue now and then. But if your children have frequent, intense fights, you do not have to just stand by and let them treat each other badly. What can parents do about sibling rivalry?

·         Avoid comparing one child to another. Most parents are mindful of this tip, however, we may be comparing when we are not even aware of doing it.

·         Let children know you understand their feelings even though you don’t agree with them; “Yes, your brother needs more help getting dressed than you do because he’s younger. As he gets older, he will be able to dress on his own.”

·         Spend some time alone with each child doing something he or she really enjoys; riding bikes, playing catch, coloring, etc. Ten minutes a day can do wonders!

·         If one child says unkind things to you about another, remind him that “she’s still one of us no matter how annoying she is sometimes”. That response reassures the child that he would still belong to the family even if a sibling had ill feelings toward him.

·         Do not worry about treating all your children exactly alike. Children need comfort, help and encouragement at different times and in different ways. When a child questions the attention you give to his sibling, reassure him that when he needs help, you will provide it. “Your sister needs a little extra help with her spelling words this week; I will certainly give you extra time when you need it, too.”

·         Keep in mind that you don’t have to get involved in every sibling argument. Children can often work things out themselves.

·         Try walking out of the room when squabbles start. If siblings don’t have an audience, they may stop squabbling.

Step Siblings and Academic Outcomes

Today’s children are growing up in any number of family structures including biological-, step-, and single-parent families. Even though there has been a lot of research on these diverse families, not much of it has focused on sibling relationships in non-traditional families.


However, research published recently in the Social Science Research journal analyzed data from the National Longitudinal Study of Adolescent Health to explore how living with step- and/or half-siblings impacted teenagers’ academic performance. A number of studies have shown that children in step families are at a greater disadvantage academically than even those children living with single parents.

Yet, step-parents are often only part of the new dynamic children must face when they become blended with a step family. So, what roles do siblings play in children’s academic lives?

This research found that youth who live with step- and/or half-siblings experience greater school-related behavior problems and lower GPA scores, and boys were more negatively affected than girls. The researchers suggest that siblings in these nontraditional families may expect less financial support for post-secondary education and may be less motivated to do well in school. Also, the ambiguity in their family relationships may motivate them to become independent earlier.

Living with step relationships can be difficult. Parents in non-traditional families may need to find ways to foster sibling involvement and emotional closeness to help create supportive family environments.