Caring for Stepparents in Later Life

Most people agree with the idea that families have a responsibility to care for older family members. Yet some changes in family life have brought up new questions about caring for the elderly. What happens when a parent divorces and then remarries later in life? Should adult children care for the stepparent as well as the parent? These questions are becoming more and more important as individuals live longer and growing numbers of older adults divorce and remarry.

Researchers from the University of Missouri sampled over 1000 men and women from across the U.S. to find out how adults viewed responsibilities to parents and stepparents. In telephone interviews, researchers presented stories describing a family dilemma and asked how much help the younger adult should give to the parent or stepparent.

For example, the parent remarries after being a widower, and after a few years dies very suddenly. Should his son help the stepmother with things around the house, even though they have never gotten along? What if the stepmother has more serious health problems: Should the son help care for her? What if the older adult is a parent? Should the son provide this care?

Results showed that adult children were expected to help parents more than stepparents, out of a sense of obligation and to repay parents for past help. Stepparents who came into families later in life generally were not seen as family members, and, as a result, were not automatically entitled to caregiving aid. However, the quality of the relationship also influenced the duty to help both parents and stepparents. When the relationship was good, respondents were more likely to think that help should be given. This research suggests stepparents of all ages have to earn family bonds by building a history and developing positive emotional ties with stepchildren

Source: Suzanna Smith, associate professor, Department of Family, Youth and Community Sciences, Cooperative Extension Service, Institute of Food and Agricultural Sciences, University of Florida, Gainesville, FL 32611.

Caregiver Stress and Elder Abuse

One out of four people is a caregiver for a family member or friend. Most of these informal caregivers, as well as paid caregivers who work for agencies or on their own, are able to meet the many challenges of providing care and do an excellent job. Even so, every year, thousands of reports of elder abuse are confirmed, and unfortunately, elder abuse seems to be on the rise as reported by the National Center on Elder Abuse.

Research shows that caregiver stress plays a role in elder abuse. Not every caregiver becomes abusive, however, and researchers are still exploring what factors cause abuse. Based on what is known so far, there are some "red flags" to watch for.

Abusive caregivers fear becoming violent and have low self-esteem. They view caregiving as a burden and feel that they don't get enough support from others. The abusive caregiver feels caught in the middle between two generations, young and old, and suffers from burnout, anxiety, or depression. There may be a feeling of "old anger" toward the older person that can be traced to their past relationships.

The care recipient may also trigger reactions when she or he is aggressive, verbally abusive, or behaves in disturbing or embarrassing ways in public. Abuse is more likely to occur when the caregiver and care receiver live together and have had a poor relationship over time.

Experts recommend that caregivers need to get help from services that will reduce the stress of providing continual care. They also should seek support of other caregivers and remember to take care of their own health.

Suzanna Smith, associate professor, Department of Family, Youth and Community Sciences, Cooperative Extension Service, Institute of Food and Agricultural Sciences, University of Florida.

Choosing an Assisted Living Facility

     Assisted living facilities are a type of housing for frail elders and people with physical and mental disabilities who don't need nursing care but cannot live independently. These residences offer personal care, health care, around-the-clock supervision, and other services. With a wide variety of facilities out there, selecting a residence may be difficult.

     If you or a family member is thinking about a move to an assisted living residence, it's important to visit several times and to make at least one unannounced visit. Look for a warm, home-like atmosphere where residents seem happy and staff members are friendly. The facility should be easy to get around with a walker or wheelchair, be comfortably cooled or heated, and have a security plan.

     Visit during mealtime to check out the quality of the food, where and when it is served, and residents' enjoyment of their meal and time together. You'll want to see the rooms to envision whether they are large enough to meet your needs for kitchen and bathroom space.  There are many other questions family members will want to consider, such as whether it offers social, recreational, and spiritual activities, and whether transportation is provided.

     Also, check with the Better Business Bureau or the state agency on aging for any complaints against the facility and be certain the facility is licensed. Make sure you know what is included in the monthly rate and the costs of any other needed services. Request a sample contract and read it carefully, getting any advice you need from people you trust.

Source: Family Album Radio, Suzanna Smith, associate professor, Department of Family, Youth and Community Sciences, Cooperative Extension Service, Institute of Food and Agricultural Sciences, University of Florida.