Suggestions for Stepfamilies

All families have difficulties; children playing one parent against another, communication difficulties, money issues, and parents finding time to be alone. Stepfamilies are no different. It takes up to three years for a combined family to start working like a family. Practice patience!

For parents it is critically important that you come to terms with your past. New partners deserve someone who has explored the good and bad of a previous marriage. The emotional well-being of each person is important for a healthy, new marriage. So take stock of your emotional health and do the work that is required to make yourself a relationship asset.

Each parent should strive to have good communication with the children’s other parent. That lays a foundation that meets the needs of the children as you parent apart. Communicate with ex-partners and understand that children living in two families need respectful and caring relationships in stepfamilies and, whenever possible, with birth parents.

SUGGESTIONS FOR STEP PARENTING

 Love your children no matter what.

 Provide an environment with rules, expectations, and limits.

 Remember that children don’t always listen to you but they are always watching you. Modeling is important - remember to treat your former spouse civilly. Then your children will behave more civil themselves.

 The biological parent should be the primary disciplinarian. In time a stepparent has more authority. In the absence of the biological parent, the stepparent should have authority and support of the biological parent. The new parent may provide insight for a biological parent who’s willing to listen.

 First time parents may want to take a parenting class.

 Stepparents should not try to replace the parent. You are special and unique and in time will create your own relationship with the children. Allow for the biological parent to have time alone with their children.

 The new parent should be a spouse first and give the parent role time and space to develop.

Pay attention to your marriage and do something together beyond everyday duties. Your relationship will gain depth and increased satisfaction.

Finally, you will bring traditions and activities from your previous life. Add to these by creating new traditions and enjoying activities as a new family. The results will bring stability in marriage.

Step Siblings and Academic Outcomes

Today’s children are growing up in any number of family structures including biological-, step-, and single-parent families. Even though there has been a lot of research on these diverse families, not much of it has focused on sibling relationships in non-traditional families.


However, research published recently in the Social Science Research journal analyzed data from the National Longitudinal Study of Adolescent Health to explore how living with step- and/or half-siblings impacted teenagers’ academic performance. A number of studies have shown that children in step families are at a greater disadvantage academically than even those children living with single parents.

Yet, step-parents are often only part of the new dynamic children must face when they become blended with a step family. So, what roles do siblings play in children’s academic lives?

This research found that youth who live with step- and/or half-siblings experience greater school-related behavior problems and lower GPA scores, and boys were more negatively affected than girls. The researchers suggest that siblings in these nontraditional families may expect less financial support for post-secondary education and may be less motivated to do well in school. Also, the ambiguity in their family relationships may motivate them to become independent earlier.

Living with step relationships can be difficult. Parents in non-traditional families may need to find ways to foster sibling involvement and emotional closeness to help create supportive family environments.