Double Day Work: How Women Cope with Time Demands

In the last 30 years, women have entered the work force in record numbers, yet even as they have taken on employment outside the home, their household duties have usually remained the same. Several expressions have been coined to describe this double duty, such as double day, second shift or double burden. Men and women do seem to be sharing tasks more, especially when they both work outside the home and have young children.

However, across all families, women still carry out most of the unpaid work, including housework, household management, child care, and elder care. A 2005 study printed in the Journal of Marriage and Family reports that women often put in anywhere from 5 to 13 hours more per week than men on household and family care.

As women face the demands of combining work and family, they develop strategies for organizing their lives and accomplishing many tasks. For example, while paid employment takes priority in the scheduling time, women do negotiate with their employers and adapt their work hours when necessary and acceptable to make themselves available for their families.

Working mothers often use weekends to catch up on household chores from the previous week and prepare for the coming week. Sometimes they lower their expectations of what absolutely must be done and reduce their housework so they can spend free time with their families, and they ask their partners and children to share with the load. Double day work provides many time management challenges for women. However, by using various strategies, women can successfully meet the demands of their busy lives.

Source: Lee, Y.S. & Waite, L. (205) Husbands’ and wives’ time spent in housework; A comparison of measure.

Guidelines for Helping Your Child Solve Social Problems

Every child faces problems with their friends and peers at some time. They may be losing a best friend to a new group of peers or fighting with a friend. While painful, these problems are a normal part of growing up. With their parents’ support and guidance, children can learn to solve such problems on their own.

Parents may want to rush in to solve problems for their children, but sometimes all children really need is for their parents to listen with understanding. Before you start giving advice, make sure your child actually wants and is ready for your ideas for solutions. Listen carefully and openly. Stay away from criticizing, belittling, or even talking about a similar experience of your own.

When a child is ready to work on the problem, help your child identify what the true problem is and invite him or her to come up with a list of possible solutions. Go over each idea and talk about the possible consequences of each one. Ask what he or she thinks sounds like the best solution. Talk to him or her about how they are going to put the solution into action or practice what they are going to say or do. Even if your child’s solution isn’t the one you would choose, let him or her use it.

Recognize that just as you survived ups and downs with your friends and peers, your child will too. And remember, most of the time, helping your child think through a problem is the best help you can give.

Older Adults and Physical Activity

Physical activity is any body movement that uses energy, including daily activities such as house or yard work and walking. Regular physical activity helps keep the heart, lungs, bones, muscles, and joints healthy. 

It also helps improve energy level and self-esteem, decrease stress, manage weight, increase strength and flexibility, control arthritis pain, prevent or delay some diseases, such as heart disease and osteoporosis, improve balance and decrease the risk of falling. Being active can help you improve your quality of life and stay independent longer.

Aim for at least 30 minutes of a moderate-intensity endurance activity most days of the week. Moderate-intensity activity should increase your breathing and heart rate. Try walking, yard work, or vacuuming.

Plan to do some strength exercises like lifting weights or using resistance bands 2 or 3 times a week. With stronger muscles, you'll be able to do more things on your own. You don't need fancy weights; use books or cans!

Include balance exercises. Try standing on one leg and then the other, using a chair for balance; practice this three days a week to help prevent falls. Tai chi also helps with balance.

Include gentle stretches to be more flexible and give you more freedom of movement. Never stretch so far that it hurts. Gentle yoga also can help improve flexibility.

Remember the goal is to get at least 30 minutes of activity during the day. It doesn't have to be all at once. Work in the garden in the morning. Mop your floor while watching TV. Take a short walk after dinner. Choose activities that you enjoy and invite a friend along. Vary your activities and routines—try a different walking path.

Set realistic short- and long-term goals. Reward yourself when you reach them! Keep an activity log so you can look back and see how far you've come. Find an exercise partner!

Physical activity actually increases your energy level. Be active for five minutes and if you're tired after that time, stop. But chances are you'll feel like continuing!

Many people find that once they start being active, it feels so good that it becomes fun and enjoyable! But if physical activity sounds overwhelming, don’t despair—if you haven’t been active, start slowly and increase your activity gradually. Remember, doing something is better than doing nothing!

Playing With Your Child

Play is a vital part of a child’s development. Play is your child’s work. It’s as important to your child as your job is to you. Play teaches cooperation, trust and independence. It also builds self-esteem. It gives children the chance to get to know themselves, the world, and other people.

Find out what your children like to play and join them. Set aside an hour or two each week for play time. This will help you and your children to communicate well. Turn housework into play by sharing chores with them and making a game out of it.

If you feel you don’t have time to play with your child or that you are too tired, think of how important play is to your child’s growth and development. Children also want to be heard. Show them you care by listening to their feelings and dreams. From your example, they will learn how to respect and listen to others.

Give your child your full attention. Stop what you are doing and look at your child while she speaks to you. Sit or place yourself at her level.

Try to understand the world from your child’s point of view. Unkind words tell children that they are not good enough. They hurt and tear down self-esteem. Praise your child for his independent ideas. Take time to really listen to your child. Express your love freely and always use kind words.

Three Rules About How Babies Grow

#1.Change occurs in an orderly way. For example, babies first learn to hold their heads up, then roll over, and then to sit. Once they are able to sit up alone, they do not forget how to do that. They naturally move on to creeping, crawling, and standing.

#2.Development happens at different rates for each child. There is a wide age range in which normally developing children gain new skills. A child may be further along in one area than another. For example, an 18-month-old may be putting lots of energy into walking and running but may not yet be talking much.

#3.There are windows of opportunity during the first three years for a child to learn many basic abilities. A window of opportunity is a limited period of time—a few weeks or months—when it is especially easy for a baby to develop a certain ability. At these times, connections between brain cells get stronger and multiply.

You can tell when your baby has entered one of these periods because he begins to do new things. You can help him open his windows of opportunity during these special, important times. As you play and care for him, notice what he especially likes so you can help supply certain kinds of learning experiences.

Watch your baby with fascination to see changes happening. Enjoy and celebrate each day with your child. Respond to your child with smiles and words. Get other family members involved in caring and playing with your child. Be patient! Sometimes babies and toddlers seem to backtrack, but not for long. Your baby will continue to develop.

Suggestions for Stepfamilies

All families have difficulties; children playing one parent against another, communication difficulties, money issues, and parents finding time to be alone. Stepfamilies are no different. It takes up to three years for a combined family to start working like a family. Practice patience!

For parents it is critically important that you come to terms with your past. New partners deserve someone who has explored the good and bad of a previous marriage. The emotional well-being of each person is important for a healthy, new marriage. So take stock of your emotional health and do the work that is required to make yourself a relationship asset.

Each parent should strive to have good communication with the children’s other parent. That lays a foundation that meets the needs of the children as you parent apart. Communicate with ex-partners and understand that children living in two families need respectful and caring relationships in stepfamilies and, whenever possible, with birth parents.

SUGGESTIONS FOR STEP PARENTING

 Love your children no matter what.

 Provide an environment with rules, expectations, and limits.

 Remember that children don’t always listen to you but they are always watching you. Modeling is important - remember to treat your former spouse civilly. Then your children will behave more civil themselves.

 The biological parent should be the primary disciplinarian. In time a stepparent has more authority. In the absence of the biological parent, the stepparent should have authority and support of the biological parent. The new parent may provide insight for a biological parent who’s willing to listen.

 First time parents may want to take a parenting class.

 Stepparents should not try to replace the parent. You are special and unique and in time will create your own relationship with the children. Allow for the biological parent to have time alone with their children.

 The new parent should be a spouse first and give the parent role time and space to develop.

Pay attention to your marriage and do something together beyond everyday duties. Your relationship will gain depth and increased satisfaction.

Finally, you will bring traditions and activities from your previous life. Add to these by creating new traditions and enjoying activities as a new family. The results will bring stability in marriage.

Helping Your Child Make Friends

Learning to make friends is one of the most significant tasks in a child’s early social development. A child usually begins this process during the second year of life playing alongside another toddler. Although there is not much interaction, children notice that they are not much different from others and they are not the center of the universe.

During the preschool years children develop social skills they’ll need to establish and maintain friendship. Though they’re still very self-centered, children of this age begin to initiate contacts with strangers. They negotiate roles, and they learn to compromise. Somehow they manage rejection, claim their possessions, and learn ways to settle conflicts. Friends do things to reinforce each other's acceptable behavior and even model behavior for one another.

What can parents do to guide the social development of their young children?

One important thing is to help a child learn how to approach other children, how to make contact. Your child will be watching how you do it. How you manage social situations affects the way your child views social interaction. Encourage your child to smile and make eye contact with others. It’s okay to suggest some words to use when a child wants to join others in ongoing play, and some ways to be sure she will be accepted, like "can I be the visiting grandma?" instead of "I want to play house too."

Provide times when your child can interact with peers in a safe and appropriate environment. If you think he’s having a difficult time making friends, try to arrange special play activities with slightly older children. They’ll provide examples of effective social skills. If your child is anxious about using his social skills, give him an opportunity to play with a younger child. He can take a lead role and this may give his self-esteem a needed boost.

As your child gets a little older and is entertaining a friend at home, try to stay out of the way so they can negotiate conflict and mange the give and take of friendship. Step in only when there is imminent danger or a squabble has gone out of control.

Don’t categorize and don't allow others to label your child as "shy," "bossy," or "hard to get along with." Social skills sometimes take a lifetime to perfect. We all know adults who are not experts at social interaction. Instead of referring to your child as "shy," you can say he is "cautious in new situations." This describes the behavior in a positive way which is better for the child.

Encourage a child’s positive efforts to get along with others, even when such attempts fail. Tell him you know it’s hard (especially if he’s shy). Remind your child that making friends sometimes takes a long time, so it’s important to keep trying. Ask questions and help him think about what the other child may need in a friend.