What we know about custodial grandparents

About 2 percent of children in the U.S. are being raised by their grandparents with no parent living in the home, according to the U.S. Census bureau. But what do we know about these families? And do grandparents face any particular parenting challenges that differ from more traditional households?

Researchers at the College of Human Ecology and the Bronfenbrenner Center for Translational Research are experts in these complex relationships. They’ve published a research brief that summarizes the best way to support these families. While it’s not a comprehensive systematic review, it provides an overview of much of the evidence available on this important topic, and provides tips to caregivers who work with these families.

Among the findings summarized in the brief:

• Most children in the custody of grandparents have some contact with their biological parents. In some cases, these interactions are helpful and positive, although others can have a negative effect. But the research clearly shows that parents play key roles in the lives of children being raised by relatives.
• Educational programs that help biological parents become more involved in their children’s lives can benefit the entire family.
• Confidential counseling for children is important because research shows children often feel torn between their caregivers and their biological parents.

There are plenty of other resources out there for grandparents living with grandchildren.  The U.S. Census Bureau provides statistics on grandparents raising grandchildren.  And a British non-profit organization called Mentor UK conducted an international review of the evidence on the topic with some insightful information.

“Despite the growth in the numbers of custodial grandparent families in New York and across the U.S., we actually know very little about relationship quality and parenting in such families,” said Kimberly Kopko, senior extension associate at the BCTR. “The goal of our research is to learn more about grandparents and the teenagers that they are raising and to use the findings from our research to inform policies and programs to help address the needs of grandparent-headed families.”

Source: Cornell University Extension

A crash-course for Grandparents Raising Grandchildren: Ages and Stages of Child Development

Understanding and guiding your grandchildren's behavior will be easier if you consider the various ages and stages of their development.  Although you have raised your own children, it is easy to forget what children are like. Children face different challenges at every stage of life. As their parent, you need to be able to put yourself in their shoes. Keep in mind, many times a child's behavior is a characteristic of his stage of development. Following are some age-related characteristics:

Infants: birth–12 months

·         Require physical touch like cuddling, stroking, and rocking for physical and emotional growth

·         Communicate through crying, smiling, cooing, and babbling

·         Explore by putting objects in mouth

·         Need stimulation through touch, sounds, and textures

·         Soothe themselves by sucking hands and fingers

Toddlers: 1–3 years old

·         Like to explore and are very curious

·         Seek independence

·         Are impatient

·         Do not understand sharing

·         Have a hard time expressing their emotions and, therefore, have temper tantrums

Preschoolers: 3–5 years old

·         Ask lots of questions

·         Enjoy pretend games and have imaginary friends

·         Are learning to be more cooperative with other children

·         Have extreme mood changes

·         Are proud of their ability to complete more tasks on their own

School-age children: 6–12 years old

·         Begin to question rules of parents

·         Enjoy being with their friends

·         Have an increased interest in out-of-school activities

·         Find it hard to deal with criticism and failure

·         May like to tease and criticize each other

Teens/Adolescents: 12–18 years

·         Experiencing puberty—hormonal and physical changes

·         Are overly self-conscious; self-critical

·         Are developing a sense of identity and discovering "Who am I?"

·         Are more idealistic and hopeful…

·         …yet, at the same time, can be anxious or sad

·         Beginning to spend more time with friends

·         Experience increased peer pressure to conform

·         Question authority and challenge rules, which creates conflict

Source: University of Florida Extension

Grandparents Raising Grandchildren

Every child needs attention! This is especially true for children being raised by their grandparents. Often, these children have experienced significant trauma and loss in their lives. For some grandchildren, the only way to get attention is by misbehaving. It may be as simple as doing things to annoy their grandparents or disobeying the house rules.

Here are some suggestions we offer grandparents in our programs:

1. Do not give the grand-child attention by responding to misbehavior.

2. Ignore the misbehavior unless life, limb, or other safety issues are concerned.

3. Catch the grandchild displaying appropriate behavior and acknowledge this behavior intermittently with a simple smile, “thank-you,” “good job” or hug.

4. Spend quality one-on-one time with your grand-child as often as possible. Take time to talk and explain situations.

Grandchildren’s attention -seeking behaviors may have many root causes. There is no best way to respond. The fact that grandparents are concerned and are trying to meet their grandchildren’s needs is a good sign they are.

Tips for Healthy Development for Your Grandchildren “Crash Course”

Understanding what to expect at each stage of your grandchild's development is only the first step. The next step is to put it into practice. It is important that your behavior matches the developmental needs of your grandchild. The following tips are grouped by developmental stages. Review them and consider how they relate to your grandchild's stage.

Infants

·         Attend to an infant's cry—this will develop trust.

·         Establish a routine and predictable schedule—this will create a sense of security.

·         Talk and sing to your grandchildren and imitate their sounds—this will develop language skills.

·         Touch and cuddle your child—this will develop a strong, loving bond.

Toddlers

·         Keep your environment safe and childproof—this will allow them to be curious and explore safely.

·         Help your grandchildren develop a sense of independence by offering choices. For example, "Do you want to wear your sneakers or your sandals?"

·         Have appropriate expectations. For example, understand that they won't "play nicely" with other toddlers because they do not know how to share yet.

·         Read to your grandchildren daily—this will develop reading skills and promote a strong attachment.

Preschoolers

·         Be patient while listening and responding to your grandchildren's many questions—this will help to create a healthy self-concept.

·         Establish clear rules and limits—this will guide expected behavior.

·         Encourage your grandchildren to play—it is through play that children learn best.

·         Monitor what your grandchildren watch on TV—children should not watch more than 2 hours daily of educational television.

School-age children

·         Keep an eye on your grandchildren's activities and friendships—school-age children still need your guidance in learning acceptable behaviors.

·         Provide support and encouragement for your grandchildren's hobbies and interests; keep in mind, though, that no matter their skill level, too many demands will discourage them.

·         Be consistent with discipline by setting clear rules and consequences—children need to know what is expected of them.

·         Get to know your grandchildren's school teachers—this will encourage good behavior and study habits.

Teens/Adolescents

·         Recognize your grandchildren's need for independence and a unique identity—work to create a supportive and loving environment for your grandchildren.

·         Be aware of the emotional and physical changes your grandchildren are going through. Be patient—expect moodiness and self-doubt.

·         Listen to your grandchildren before jumping to conclusions—this will open lines of communication and trust.

In summary, as a guardian for your grandchildren you have taken on a major and admirable responsibility. The discipline and rules you teach your grandchildren will have lasting effects.

Source: University of Florida Extension

Grandparent Distress

Today, more grandparents are raising their grandchildren than at any other time in U.S. history. These grandparents face challenges in almost every part of their lives, such as strained relations with the child’s parent, unexpectedly caring for a family on a limited income, and grandchildren’s emotional and behavioral problems from a history of abuse, neglect or abandonment. As a result, many grandparents experience poor health, and psychological and emotional distress.


A recent study conducted by sociologist Terry Mills and colleagues at the University of Florida and published in the Journal, Marriage and Family Review, found that younger grandmothers raising grandchildren were more likely to be depressed than their older counterparts. Using data from the National Survey of America’s Families, the researchers found that the younger the grandmothers were, the more likely they were to experience depression.

They reported that younger grandparents may be distressed because at middle age they are trying to balance suddenly functioning as a parent again along with work responsibilities and personal interests. They may also feel that they failed as a parent. However, when younger grandmothers received support such as social service help with child care and health care, they were no more likely to be distressed than older grandmothers.

The study’s authors point out that because grandparents raising grandchildren are at risk of depression and isolation, it’s important that they have access to psychological counseling. In addition, social services, child care, and easier access to health care are important in giving grandparents the support they need.

The Protective Role of Grandparents

Being a grandparent today can mean many things. Many grandparents have a daily impact on their grandchildren because they live in the same household or they may be serving as surrogate parents. In fact, nearly 6% of children in the U.S. are now being raised by their grandparents.

These grandparents find themselves parenting their grandchildren when the adult child is unable to care for their own children and the grandparents step into help. Research tells us that grandparents are also the most willing of any family member to take grandchildren into their home.

Additionally, grandparents can affect grandchildren even when they don’t live under the same roof. Grandparents can make a difference “from a distance” by positively affecting a child’s development. Recent findings have shown that grandparents buffer the negative effects of high risk circumstances on children. For example, a grandchild’s sense of emotional closeness to, frequency of contact with, and their view of grandparents as a source of social support can buffer the negative effects of poverty and family stress.

The researchers also found that the closer grandchildren were to their grandparents, the less likely they were to be depressed as adults, particularly if their mother experienced depression during their childhood years.

As we can see, keeping children involved in their grandparent’s lives for the sake of Grandma and Grandpa is only part of the picture. These studies show that it certainly goes both ways! Grandparents are important in children’s lives, especially when facing difficult circumstances.

Grandparent Care

For centuries, grandparents have been an important source of support and care for grandchildren, and grandparent care is still common.

According to a study conducted by the nonprofit research center, Child Trends, today’s grandparents provide care “when parents are at work, out for the evening, or must be away for a short time,” such as to run errands, keep doctor’s appointments, or attend social events. Using data from two national surveys, Child Trends found that nearly one half of all grandparents give some type of childcare to their grandchildren. Not surprisingly, grandparents who live nearby are more likely to provide child care than those who live far away.

Grandparents do give substantial time to care. The study found that about 70% of young children in grandparent care received care for more than 10 hours per week, and almost half were in grandparent care for more than 20 hours. When thinking about grandparents and grandchildren, you might imagine a doting grandmother, and this study found that 54% of care was provided by grandmothers. However, more than one third of grandfathers provided care.

This research suggests that grandparents play an important role in family life by providing care for grandchildren, during parents’ work and non-work hours. This can be an opportunity for grandparents and grandchildren to build their personal relationship, cement family bonds, and also to pass on family traditions, history and values.

Reference

Guzman, L. (2004). Grandma and grandpa taking care of the kids: Patterns of involvement. Child Trends Research Brief #2004-17.