Homework

A few days ago I read a blog written by a mother of a grade school child. She was complaining about homework that teachers assign. Her view was that if the teacher expects the parent to help with homework, then the parents should be put on the school payroll.

Hard to believe, but some parents feel they have no responsibility in their child's education. Two of my daughters are third grade teachers and I just need to say this: Parents - you are a partner in your child's education. Teachers have a heavy workload, so please work WITH them, not against them!

Homework is an important part of your children’s education. It teaches them responsibility as well as how to follow directions, get organized, manage time, begin and complete a task, to work on their own, and practice what they are learning in class. However, most children would much rather be playing or doing other things than homework. Many parents and children struggle over when, where, and how homework will be done.

At times parents may feel that it would be easier just to do the work for their children just to get it over with. However, the National Parent and Teacher Association advises parents to let children do homework themselves. Remember, it’s THEIR homework. You may need to sit with elementary school age children and walk them through the process of how to study, help them organize the materials they need, and complete all their tasks. As you do this, you are laying the foundation for good study habits.

Parents can offer to help check homework, but helping is very different from taking over. You can also reinforce good habits by helping your child find a regular space to work and a regular time of day to do homework. Instead of asking if your child has homework every night, always assume that there is homework, reading or studying of some kind to be done.

As time goes by and your children’s confidence and dependability improves, they will understand the link between school success and homework.

US Math Scores Not Keeping Up Globally

One of the greatest parenting challenges I experienced when my children were younger was helping them with math homework. Many parents like me have heard their children say, “but why do I need to know this? I’m never going to USE it!”

If you need help, Drexel University’s mathforum.org has numerous links that can help you answer that question for your children as they can see the use of math in daily tasks, in numerous career opportunities, even in art. And, if indeed math skills are necessary for our children to compete in a global economy, much less the local job market, recent research funded by the Department of Education might have parents concerned.

According to the report from the American Institutes for Research, U.S. math students are consistently performing below their peers when compared to 11 other industrialized nations including Australia, Japan and the Russian Federation. The study assessed students in grades 4 and 8 as well as 15-year-olds. The students ranked 8th or 9th out of twelve at all three grade levels.

The study also found that students who score well on higher level skills such as mathematical reasoning, also perform better on lower level skills. Compared to other countries, U.S. students didn’t score well on questions at either skill level. While educators are looking at solutions for U.S. math students, parents may also consider how they can help the next time their child asks for help with math homework.

Source:

www.air.org/news/documents/release200511math.htm

“Reassessing U.S. International Mathematics Performance: New Findings from the 2003 TIMSS and PISA,” U.S. Department of Education Policy and Program Studies Service (PPSS); Prepared by American Institutes for Research.® (2005). Retrieved from http://www.air.org/news/documents/TIMSS_PISA%20math%20study.pdf on 01/10/06.

Getting Ready for Elementary School

School starts tomorrow in Hillsborough County! Kids have new clothes, new backpacks and supplies - and hopefully, new and bright attitudes. Be sure to take lots of pictures on the first day of school even if your children act like they don't want you to. It's exciting when everyone is ready for a new beginning - a new school year.

In recent years, there has been a great deal of discussion about school readiness that points to children, schools, families and communities all playing an important role in preparing children for school.

Certainly part of the transition to school involves being prepared with basic numbers, shapes and letters. But that’s not all. Kindergarten teachers surveyed “want kindergartners to be able to communicate needs, wants and thoughts and be enthusiastic and curious when approaching new activities.”

For young children starting elementary school the transition to kindergarten is a big change, even if the child has been in a preschool program. Stress may be brought on by longer days away from parents, a more structured classroom routine, and being separated from friends. Parents should be aware of signs of stress in their children and be prepared to help them make a comfortable transition during this exciting time.

To help your child prepare for school and help reduce their stress, go to the “meet the teacher” day or any special programs for incoming kindergartners. Keep lines of communication open. Help children see the upcoming changes as exciting and fun (but accept a child’s nervous feelings, too). And, be extra supportive during the several weeks of school. Being prepared to help your children navigate those first few weeks can help them get their school year off to a successful start.

Channeling Your Child's Creativity

Curiosity is a wonderful, inborn gift that seems to be at its peak during the preschool years. Curiosity promoted learning, but it can frustrate parents. Curiosity killed the cat and it can also put children in dangerous situations. So how do you handle the good and bad of curiosity? You can catch yourself when you say “No” or otherwise correct your child for something. Write down the behaviors you have corrected. Keep a list for a few days.

For example, several times you had to tell your preschooler not to move the kitchen chair to the sink. When you hear the chair you come running and yelling, “No.” The child may think he is being punished for being curious, for wanting to learn. Remember, he doesn’t know the danger of moving the chair to the sink and climbing on it. He doesn’t understand the mess that might occur if he slops around the sink, or how he might be hurt if he fell. He doesn’t understand the danger involved if he decides instead to pull the chair up to the stove. He just wants to see what’s going on.

Children need to be able to safely explore and develop their curiosity. That’s a big part of wanting to learn. Expect him to want to explore. Each day you might let your child move the chair and do some activity at the sink with your supervision. Tell the child, however, that he may only move the chair when you are with him or when it is time – that special sink time. This rule will allow the child to meet his needs and you to meet yours.

As you notice the activities you have kept off-limits to your child, consider if such a compromise could work. With adult supervision, preschoolers can learn to do thing that would otherwise be dangerous or destructive. Curiosity is necessary for learning. The last thing any of us parents would want to see is our children just sitting around, content to watch the word go by without them! How can you channel your child’s creativity this week?

Hey Daddy - Read to Me!

I have very fond memories of my father on Sunday morning reading the comics out loud to us. All four of us would gather up on the couch, finding our favorite place on the back of the couch, on Dad’s lap, snuggled by his side, or balancing on the armrest. We were all squeezed in together, still wearing our footie pajamas.

He would “read” the comics to us. His idea of reading was to create long, elaborate stories that probably had nothing to do with the actual comic. But the stories were always funny and the couch was always warm. It was his way of showing us his love. Our lives were enriched because of those Sunday mornings.

One of the best and least expensive gifts fathers can give their children is the gift of reading. Many years of research show that a fathers’ reading to his children increases their success in school and later in life.

Our children “learn to read” well before their formal education begins. Many have a favorite book or story that has been read to them so, so many times. Even when we have read that book twenty times already in one day, they want it read to them again. They know the book by heart. They may even “read” the story to their stuffed animal audience. They correct us if we try to hurry through or modify the story - I admit I tried it more than once. Some even pick up a magazine and begin to “read” aloud a story that exists in their imagination. What smart children!

Fathers – it’s your duty and honor to help give your children a love for reading. Your children watch your every move – let them catch you reading.

Read the sports page, the gardening articles, the comic strips, or the latest car report to them. Sure, they may not understand every word, but they will see the excitement on your face and hear it in your voice and begin to connect that joy to reading. Visit your local library with your children and pick out a couple of books you will read together each week. Write a story together. Have your children make up a story while you write it down, then read it back to them and illustrate as you go.

Thanks, Dad!

Please share your stories of reading in the comment section.

Divorce and Children

In the past several decades, family researchers have given a great deal of attention to how divorce affects children. Although there is agreement that divorce can have many negative impacts on children, researchers have also identified qualities of what some call a “good” divorce.

Results from a recent study conducted by Elizabeth Marquardt, affiliate scholar at the Institute for American Values, and Norval Glenn, a sociologist at the University of Texas-Austin, have generated a great deal of media interest – and controversy. Marquardt, argues that children of divorce have to navigate the beliefs and values of two very different households after divorce, and this creates inner conflict and fundamentally restructures their childhood.

Through surveys of 1500 18-35 year olds, the researchers found that even when children experienced what might be considered a "good" divorce, one where parents cooperate in child rearing matters after divorce, they often do worse than children of unhappy low-conflict marriages. I'm a bit skeptical of this. I would think that it's better to grow up in a happy household, than an unhappy one - even a low-conflict one. But I guess it depends on the individuals involved.

In contrast, other research conducted by sociology professor Constance Ahrons at the University of Southern California, found that as young adults, children of divorce grew up to be “stronger and wiser,” and that the majority believed that their parent’s divorce had positive outcomes for their parents AND for themselves.

Many scholars agree that the best thing for children is a happy household - or households. We do know that when two parents learn to co-parent, which means working together as a team to raise their children, the benefits are long lasting for everyone.

I now offer the "Parents, Children and Divorce" parenting class, required by the State of Florida when minor children are involved. This class offers ideas for co-parenting and helping your child through the divorce. For information and to register, pleae visit my webpage: http://hillsboroughfcs.ifas.ufl.edu/DivorceClasses.html


Sources
Ahrons, Constance R., Social Work; Nov80, Vol. 25 Issue 6, p437-441, 5p 1980
Amato, Paul R., Family Relations; Oct2003, Vol. 52 Issue 4, p332-339, 8p, 5 graphs

Amato, Paul R., “The Consequences of Divorce for Adults and Children,” from “Families in Transition” 12th Edition (2003). Person Education, Inc., Boston, MA
Ahrons, Constance, (2004)

We're Still Family: What Grown Children Have to Say About Their Parents' Divorce, HarperCollins Publishers, Inc., New York, NY

Avoiding Food Fights

When you think of food fights, you might recall a raucous scene in the classic 1978 film, "Animal House." However when raising a toddler, "food fight" takes on a different meaning. What's a parent to do with a child who refuses to eat meat or only eats PB&J for a week?

It's common for toddlers to go through a "food jag" stage, eating the same thing at every meal, or refusing to eat anything that's red or orange. There are several reasons for this, so don't take it personally if your toddler has suddenly taken a dislike to your cooking.

First, it's completely normal for a child's appetite to vary from day to day. They usually eat only when hungry and stop when full. As long as they are growing well, they are probably getting the nutrients they need.

Second, some children are sensitive to food textures and tastes. They may not like the way something (such as hamburger or chicken) feels in their mouth. They may also dislike the way certains foods look, for example, spaghetti can look like worms to a toddler. As they grow, this sensitivity usually goes away and they learn to enjoy a wider variety of flavors, textures and colors.

Third, a food jag is one way that a toddler has some control over his or her world. He is asserting his independence. I suggest you relax and allow your toddler a little power in deciding what he or she will eat. Often, the less attention we give to frustrating behaviors, the faster our children move through such stages.

Be sure to offer nutritious foods suitable for a child's age, set regular meal and snack times, and serve foods that look appealing to young children. As a parent, you are responsible for deciding what foods are offered, and children are responsible for deciding whether to eat and how much to eat. What a liberating concept!

And when they choose not to eat, tell them, "That's okay; just sit and keep me company while I eat."